Rare Sighting

  BEFORE

As I walked away from her mother, I had a repetitive thought "you're doing the right thing".

I have cancer, the type that gave you 3 weeks to live kind of cancer and that was why this decision was so important. I was doing it for my mother who hated my decision.

I was willingly freezing myself, until science progressed and found a cure for my cancer. I didn't know how long I would be frozen but if it meant my mother didn't have to see me die before her its was worth it. My name is Millie, I turned 18 on the 15th of November 2016 and I refuse to die from something I hope will be curable in the foreseeable future.

NOW

 

My lips were chattering and I was moving up and down. Why were my lips chattering, this is not how I was supposed to come out of my Induced freezing. I was confused, why was this happening? How long have I been out? Is my mother here? The sound of water was splashing on the cold case I was in. I AM SO CONFUSED. I need to know what has happened.

"Hello!" , I said. No one was replying, I started banging on my case but it made no difference. I started to feel as if the thing that was supposed to save my life, had become a coffin that I would die in.

I started to become claustrophobic, my breathing was too quick and I was quickly getting light headed...

 

"Ouch! Owwwww! What the hell?" I exclaimed

I was being banged around in my coffin, it felt like I was tumbling down a hill, what I assumed water was starting to leak in, it felt warm but it was so dark I couldn't see a thing.

 

 

 

 



 



The awakening

Living in a country and being bought up in New Zealand where racism is more an idea of a race than a hatred I never thought about it. With the African Americans who were turned into slaves I saw it as racism but mainly as the whites needing to control the "great nation" and with stealing the Africans from Africa it was a dominance of the white man.

I do wonder why there is such a hate, they were stolen from their home. Raped, whipped, beaten, tortured etc. There would be more understanding if the Africans showed up in America and tried to take over but they didn't. They were forced into lives they did not deserve and were still killed for it.

One in every three African Americans are deemed to go to prison at least once in their life. How can in 2016 we be okay with this?  Why is there no help for those who people expect to fail, wouldn't it make more sense for America to prevent the issue than to have mass prison capacity?

In New Zealand, the main racial groups are Maoris, Pacific Islanders, Asians, Indians, South Africans and Europeans. When the British originally immigrated from England the Maoris wanted to fight but did not have to guns so they signed a treaty. This treaty has served as a barrier for any violence racially between the Maoris and Europeans.

I want to know how and why America EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME has not figured out how to bring peace among the races.

Is it because everyone is secretly racist? Or too sensitive? It reminds me of a dog who is scary looking. The African Americans being the dog and the whites being the scared person walking down the street. The dog wants to be loved and respected not attacked and yelled at. If the dog is pet and isn't threatened it will melt and won't be able to contain its happiness where as if the person is terrified and runs or yells at it, the dog will either cower or it will become aggressive depending on the  persons actions.

How have we not learned how to be civil without being mad about it.  Donald trump wants to make America great again? How about maybe increasing the minimum wage or creating more jobs? More jobs would get more blacks off the street. Instead of trying to build a wall to keep immigrants out he should focus on helping them with new starts.

Why does no one realise that petty theft and killing are two different things? If you ever met a skinny kid stealing bread what does that tell you? That he's a danger to society?

What I want to do is go to New Zealand and international prisons and I want to interview and photograph the inmates and ask them what they did and what they would do differently if they could start again because that is where we will learn how to stop crime.

This has been an awakening for me not only for America but world wide that there needs to be a change.

Growing up all i did was think about what it would be like to be an adult. I thought about being able to go eat lunch with my friends without my parents permission or money.
I thought about things that weren't really even that exciting but i thought they would be the best times of my life.

Now I'm 20 I look back and think I'm glad to be an adult. I loved Childhood but a real accomplishment for me is being able to pay my own bills with the money i have earned from hard work.

One thing that I didn't think about was how stuck I could get trying to find comfort in easiness. It is hard to go along with change and to come up with new ideas.. well not only to come up with ideas but to also stick with plans.

Anyway i made lasagna and it was amazing. (completely unrelated to anything statement).

I've been thinking about different ideas for a book based on my curious wicked dreams.

Ideas to follow when i have time.

P.S. here is a photo of my super blog worthy lasagna ingredients

P.P.S. sorry for my super random unconnected ramblings

Peace Out

Laying in bed before I go to sleep I think to myself that I perhaps should write my first blog entry.
I have never kept a diary because I am useless with commitments and I like to give up on things if they don't go my way.

I am a recently turned 20 year old who keeps thinking she is 19, I have a passion for food (a lot of it).
I love art and painting although I find after I've finished my paintings I find them less beautiful than I did while the process of painting them. I adore anything to do with film. There are some things that ultimately transform you as a person and I feel like any movie I watch really plays a part in who I am.

When I was about 13 I watched Forest Gump for the first time and something that stuck out to me was when Jenny was on a bus leaving Forest and she did a very fast movement from a wave to a peace sign with her hand. I dreamt about it and I did it to people because I thought it looked so cool.

Another example would be with the film Stuart Little when the little mouse Stuart bites into a peanut.   It leaves marks where his teeth had been and so I would try to do the same with anything I was eating. I'm weird.

I love science and gravity/space time theories. nerdy, I know.

The main thing that is weird about me is that I don't think there is much I don't love but I still find ways to complain.

The reason I started this blog is because I want to prove to myself I can finish something while sharing with people.

I have a secret and I am going to share it with whoever ends up reading this. Here I go.

I have the most vivid/realistic dreams you could ever imagine, I am teaching myself to not only record them but to also control them, that's where the blog comes in handy. I have such peculiar dreams that I could write a book. If you think about it, some of the best selling books in history are books on things that no one else can imagine so you have this little world completely in your hands and at your disposal.

I want to share and this is where I will be sharing my stories, photos, links and what ever else I find to upload.

PEACE OUT